Walmart pants - oops

I was so excited that my friend had given me a gift card for a massage, and knowing how expensive they are at my massage parlor of choice, I knew I needed to savor the experience.

I arrived early so I could enjoy the atmosphere and read a book. I check in, received my complimentary tea and found a nice quiet spot. The seats are low, so I proceeded to slowly squat hoping to avoid falling down into the chair from being so tall and stiff. I didn't fall in the chair, something worse happened.

I immediately felt that feeling like I was getting a run in my stockings. The problem with this was that I wasn't wearing stockings. So I thought oh ok, I guess my spanx are getting a run. "I'll worry about it later," I thought. Then I realized, I'm not wearing spanx either. As I was about to bolt out of my chair I discovered that my Walmart khaki's had split. And did they split down the middle exposing one or both butt cheeks? NO! They split across the back of my thigh, just under the right butt cheek in a horizontal pattern. Who does this happen to? Nobody but me. And I can't be cool walking with a hole in my pants. It's cool for young kids, skinny women, anybody...but me.

Won't you join me for the ride? Find out what exactly is this Sonia Swag?